How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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