if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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