Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize