It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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