wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize