we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
