I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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