Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
