Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
