Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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