Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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