last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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