I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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