I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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