All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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