Pants 0. Shit 1.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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