Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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