So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
