just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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