Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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