It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
