There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
