Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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