The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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