I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
