I think my vagina is haunted
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
