cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
