At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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