Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
