is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
