you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
