omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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