My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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