I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
