I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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