I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
