Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
