dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
