I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
