Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
