Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
