My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
