I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
