I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
