Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
