Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
