Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
