some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize