Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think your dad took our porno
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
