I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
