The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize