Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
