I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
