Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
