weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
