I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
