Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
too bad you live with your parents still
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
