i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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