Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
