how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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