Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
