I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
