is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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