I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
