its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize