I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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