I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
