DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
