she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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