I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
