sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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