Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize