Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize