Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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